Answer
It is devotional service contaminated with sense gratification. If your motivation for happiness or pleasure is material pleasure, then it is causing a problem. Whatever you are describing is all about the mind.
If there is some “feel good” in the mind, I will like to do something. If there is some pain in the mind, I will not like to do it. So, our devotional service is based on the mind's pleasure and pain.
This is our starting point because, for millions of lives, everything we have done has been for our mind's “feel good.” We have done everything for that. But that mind's feeling of “good” is also inspired by the soul, which has identified with the material body and the material world. Therefore, its standard of “feel good” is material.
There is nothing wrong with feeling good. Feeling good is the nature of the soul. A pure devotee also feels good in everything that he does. But his criterion for feeling good is not, “I want to feel good; I want to feel pleased.”
His criterion is, “I want to please Krishna.”
So, if I attend Mangal-arati, my primary consideration is, “I am pleasing Krishna; I am pleasing Guru.” Whether my mind is happy or unhappy is secondary. I will do it because I have shifted my criterion to the level of the soul.
That is a very high stage. But that is what we are practicing.
When we practice devotional service, we have to understand the signs of devotional service. We start with mixed devotional service. As we continue our service, if we really want to advance continuously, we have to increase the quality of our service. It cannot be based on what pleases my mind; it has to be based on what is pleasing to Krishna.
Devotional service is a quality, and devotional service in practice is so powerful that it will gradually push out these mixed motivations.
One should not think, “It is all right that I do things that are pleasing to my mind. This is my service.” Little by little, you should break that dependence and unconditionally serve the Lord.
In mixed devotional service, of course, you have some desire to serve the Lord. That is why you are serving Him. But you also want to serve the Lord in a way that is very pleasing to your mind. Therefore, your devotional service is restricted.
Whereas, for a devotee who is operating at the soul level, pleasing the Lord at every step is his only criterion. His enjoyment is the enjoyment of Krishna. His pleasure is in pleasing Krishna.
We are not against pleasure. We are not against enjoyment, nor are we against seeking enjoyment. We simply seek to give enjoyment to Krishna.
That is the process. We are in one state where our devotional service is contaminated, and we gradually move toward a higher quality of devotional service. There is definite progress because the previous state is based on illusion.
If someone has the intention to please Guru and Krishna and performs any activity, of course, he will also find a lot of pleasure in that. There is no doubt about it.
But right now, if I do not have that love and attachment to Krishna to perform an activity, and I enjoy it because I like it, that is a lower level. Should I continue doing it?
Yes, you should continue doing it, but you should break your dependence on the mind.
Should we aspire to enjoy devotional service? Rupa Goswami says, “I wish I had millions of tongues and billions of years; then I could relish and enjoy this chanting of the Hare Krishna maha-mantra.” That is a very high stage.
So, if we seek pleasure in devotional service, and we aspire to chant nicely so that we take pleasure in it, is that the right understanding? Or if I attend Mangal-arati so that I enjoy it, is that the right motivation?
Simultaneously, you should understand that it is potentially the most enjoyable experience, but my spiritual senses are not awakened. Therefore, I cannot experience that pleasure.
It is like having something extremely tasty on your tongue but having a coating on your tongue—you cannot taste anything that you put on the tongue.
That consciousness should be there. That is called shraddha. All pleasure and all knowledge are there, but my spiritual senses are not yet awakened.
When I am doing my japa, at least I get a great relief that I am serving. I am serving the Holy Name. I am going to taste the Holy Name. I am serving the Holy Name because this is the way in which I have been asked to render service to the Holy Name.
I cannot access Krishna in a sensual or experiential manner right now. I am unable to directly experience Krishna. I may stand before the Deity and know, “Krishna is here,” but the reality is that I cannot perceive Him fully. I need spiritual eyes to see Him.
At the same time, that very same person is receiving my service. Therefore, there is joy in that.
This is called serving in separation from transcendental pleasure. Through service, you get the strength to forego or detach from the mind's likes and dislikes.
The very same mind can be trained. The likes and dislikes of the mind can change. It is the mind that has likes and dislikes, so those likes and dislikes can gradually be changed to the likes and dislikes of the soul.
The scriptures tell us what the soul actually likes. The soul likes devotional service. The soul likes love of Krishna. The soul likes pure knowledge.
So, we have to understand that and then act accordingly.
The first stage is to understand it. The second stage is to understand and experience it. That is better than nothing—you start with something. That is why initially you need faith, you need shraddha.
There is a pleasure in shraddha. You get pleasure from the hope that you will eventually experience that higher pleasure. Hope for pleasure is also a kind of pleasure, is it not?
You have faith and hope that what you are aiming for is real.
I am aiming for that. I am serving that adorable Deity. The Deity is a manifestation of the Lord's inconceivable mercy to the conditioned souls.
In this way, devotees begin experiencing a relationship with the Lord in separation. It is not that you have to see Krishna directly to experience that relationship.
It is said that Krishna is the dearest one to us and the one who loves us the most. But you may not experience it directly. However, that idea itself begins to trigger shraddha.
You begin to think, “Is it really true? Is there actually such a person? I am contaminated, and I am not able to recognize this Krishna who is so dear to me.”
Does that realization itself not give pleasure?
The pleasure begins there.
